Shattered|Scattered|Pieces

Our lost loves are laced with traces of what used to be.
Smells, places, sounds, feelings, their touch–
All memories tainted and poisoned by adolescent fantasies,
Wishing for the comfort of a disillusioned past,
Forcing the remnants of our loved to rescind into the darkest depths of our heart.

Good intentions are never really enough, are they?
We want action!
For there is no greater language in communicating ones true desires.
How loud must the action be to cloud the clumsiness of our words?
How long must one persevere to see the Shining light of your face again?
Everyday without you is torture, knowing our lives may never be together

I’m not afraid that you weren’t the one for me, I never was.
I was afraid you’d forget me and never come back.
I just want to be free from the pieces of you
I left stuck in my heart.

JCH

Holding on to the Idea of You: Promises and Protection

She left Him when He needed Her most.
Getting His hopes up,
Dreaming about what it might be like
To have someone stick by His side,
Despite how fucked up He is.

He let Her in, and put everything on the line,
Only to end up betrayed;
Worst of all, He trusted Her with every ounce of His being.
“I’d even go so far as to say I loved you,
I think I still do,” He said to Himself.

“How can I forget all the memories we forged together?”
He couldn’t help but recall something she said to him once,
“’Whatever our souls are made of, His and mine are the same.’
Even though you broke my heart,
I still care deeply about you—
No matter how hard I try,
You never seem to escape the forefront of my mind.”

He’s stuck in Limbo, fantasizing about sharing His life with Her.
His naivete and ideals of romantic grandeur are nothing but
Illusions fabricated by the child locked away in His cold, dead heart.

Realistically, it’s all a stupid dream that will never come true,
But he won’t let her go—he promised himself,
“I’ll be your shadow, watching, listening and
Loving you always.”

Tea Kettle

Filtered water flows filling the empty void of the kettle’s interior.
Once a hard metal shell,
Now contains a plethora of molecules that harmoniously bond,
Forming the liquid of life.

It’s potential? Limitless.
And yet, it remains still,
Cold and lifeless—
Waiting.

Rotate that knob on high,
And the rear burner,
Where the kettle lies dormant,
Heats at an exponential rate.

That once lifeless exterior,
Harboring lazy fluid molecules,
Bonds with extreme heat
Bringing the kettle,
And its companion to life.

Slowly, the kettle learns
That it needs this heat as fuel
To fulfill its purpose.
It is nothing without the heat,
And it is empty for not the water.

They need each other.

Sparking a revelation,
For the kettle, the burner and water.
The burner radiates a blistering red;
The kettle breathes louder;
The water fizzling with pace.

A unity of three,
I never did see.
Enlightened by perfect balance,
Their max potential,
Is now a reality.

The kettle erupts,
Billowing out plumes of steam,
The echoing roar of a whistle,
Reaching deafening heights.

Millennial Schlemiel

“Good morning!”she says with a soft but detached smile–one that has clearly been rehearsed for this precise occasion.

“Good, thanks! How are you?” He replies. I can’t believe I just said that to my boss… what was I thinking?–a frequently reoccurring thought.

Later, that same day, a couple of guests arrive for a meeting. He greets them with a hearty “Good morning!” But, of course, the morning has long since passed, so he corrects himself saying, “or, I should say, good afternoon!” Good save.

After fumbling around for a moment, he guides the guests to the conference room and offers an assortment of beverages, “May I offer you some coffee, water, tea?” The guests decline the polite gesture, but he goes to the kitchen and returns with water anyway. Upon returning, he gently places the glass cups filled with water on the conference room table in front each guest. One of the guests is pulling out their business cards, and, mistaking the situation, he reaches his hand out to grab the card. You’ve got to kidding me, why in the world did I just do that…what was I thinking? So he schleps back to his lonely desk at the front of the office, and resumes his work.

Now, At first glance, you would think he’s “normal.” He’s a college graduate with what many would consider to be a useless liberal arts degree, but he managed to find a job–one that he is mostly content with. Compared to most men, he is slightly above-average in the appearance department, though his slender-but-fit frame seems to balance him out a bit, with the capability of fitting in or standing out–whatever he happens to feel at the moment. Generally speaking though, it appears that he has his life together.

Like most people of his generation, he embodies Millennial characteristics, but he is unlike any of his generational counterparts; he is an old soul. Though an old soul he may be, a young heart he has, and young hearts break harder and fall into much smaller pieces than someone who has weathered the pain once or twice before. There is a certain je ne sais quoi about the innocence–or, perhaps, recklessness–you find in a young heart that simply makes you smile. As much as you want them to succeed, you, ultimately, know they are doomed to fail.

His love life is nothing special either. He’s been in several short-term relationships, so he’s not particularly experienced. What he lacks in experience, he makes up with his intuition and charm.

The girls he usually falls for are so far out of his league–and for whatever reason, they usually fall for him too, but never for long. Each relationship ends more tragically than the last. His first girlfriend cheated on him with one of his best friends at the time, broke up with her, got back together, she broke up with him, and left him to pick up the broken pieces of his heart. The relationship lasted one month. Five years later, he met the next one, and pretty similar to the first, but this time, he simply gave up. The relationship ended after 3 months.

The third was the most important, you see, after each failed love affair, he learned something new about himself, and that changed him at the core. It was as though everything in his life had been preparing him for one moment, one person: it is (and was) all for Her.The most heartbreaking relationship is still fresh in his mind and in his heart, and even though the relationship ended around a year ago, he still thinks about her everyday. Despite how broken his heart is, the mere thought of her manages to bring a smile to his face. It is for her, that he tries so desperately to understand love. He has never, in his life, worked so hard on something before. I wonder what I could have done better, I wonder what I did wrong, I wonder what it would have been like if we stayed together–a reoccurring dream and his favorite subject to think about on sleepless nights. Why did it feel so right? Why is my heart so tight? Is it telling me to fight? Ceaselessly pondering “what is love?” This question transformed into “Do I love you?” and again “Do you love me, like I love you?

He always wanted to say the words, but never being able to say them, he writes them instead.

Cursed for being born in a generation in which he doesn’t belong. Lost in a world of hate with nothing but love to give. Blessed with delusions of grandeur that keep him moving forward. This boy never had a chance.

JCH

The Sunshine Princess

She emerges from the Sea prophetically–
Her bronzed skin, layered with droplets of water,
Glistening with glory in summer sun.

The way she moves is enough to paralyze a man–
Her movements are refined and effortless,
As though she were gliding over the land beneath.

Her eyes have a way of penetrating the darkness in your heart–
Innocently unaware of the light that she embodies,
Gently inoculating the lives of those around her with angelic grace.

She evokes a sensation of Love, long thought to be lost–
She makes your knees tremble, your stomach tighter,
And you find yourself overcome with insatiable desire.

One look is all it takes to become enamored by her being.
And at that moment, you know, with absolute certainty,
She is everything.

JCH

Destination Unknown

Today, I feel the pain of the world as she reaches her arms out for my chest, as if to steal my delicate little heart away.

“Please,” I say, “take good care of it until I return.” As I offer my heart and soul to an indescribable figure from another dimension.

I have no plan. I don’t know where I am going, I don’t know how I’m getting there, I don’t know when I’ll be back, hell, I don’t know if I’ll ever be back! The truth is I’m lost and alone. I’ve always been an outsider though, so it’s not a new feeling. I yearn to feel like I belong–to find someone, something or somewhere that makes me feel like I belong–even if I don’t or ever do.

This insatiable desire, it haunts me. My heart feels as though it is locked away in an unknown void waiting to be set free from a lifetime of misery, and ready to shower the world with love. A love so powerful that it transcends far beyond something as simple as another dimension. No void can contain that, not a single universe can come between that, because love is eternal. Love is everywhere from as large as all the universes combined, down to the most minuscule particles. Love is everything, it’s what we live for, it’s what we die for, it is, by far, the most precious commodity in existence. After all, Love is what gods, or the idea of gods, are made of.

But, love means nothing if you don’t understand it, and I don’t understand it at all.

JCH

For Who If Not For You

Once everything was over between us, I realized I wasn’t the same person that you fell for. Instead, I tried to become the person I thought you wanted me to be and lost myself in the process. The changes I made to my being began at the core–my heart. I wanted to heal you, no, I needed to heal you… Maybe it was just to prove to myself that if I could heal your broken heart, I could heal mine too. Such naive and wishful thinking. Or, perhaps, I loved you so much that I would do anything to be with you. Yes, my darling, I would do anything to be with you then, and I would do anything to be with you now.

I want to see the smile that I fell for once more, with those deep brown beautiful eyes of yours that looked at me as if I was the only person on earth–the only person you would ever love. That’s how deeply you made me feel. It was in those moments that my life seemed to pause and last forever.

Alas, these moments are now nothing other than a distant memory of my fondness for you.

Everything I ever did, it was always just for you.

JCH

Past Participles of a Former Life

Absorbed in the past, I find myself contemplating time–oh, how I’ve grown! Yet, I yearn for a simpler time–a time of naturally carefree innocence, when I didn’t despise myself and feel the need to drown my sorrows and pain. I know that I can never return, but I still find myself dwelling on days long since passed that have shaped me into the man I am today. Back then, I was so full of energy, excitement, happiness and love, but now, I’m consumed by pain. This pain is my own, and only I have the capability to conquer it, but I fear my strength alone is not enough.

The more I think about it, I have always been alone, even with my family and friends standing by my side. I always spare my friends and family of the worries that flood my mind, the heartbreak I have endured, and all the fears that debilitate my every move and thought. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to confide in those whom I trust and care for with my sorrows and worries, but also, my dreams and deepest desires. Who could ever possibly understand me, how I feel, my thoughts, or endure the pain that I have? Living a life of loneliness is a deadly disease. Will I ever overcome this feeling?

JCH

World to the Dead

Into the darkness,
Into the mist.

Heart is clouded,
Mind amiss.

Cold to touch,
Hard to hear.

Nothing to see,
Eternal fear.

Empty of taste,
Nutrient void.

Lips sealed shut,
Voyeur schizoid.

Much ado but
Run amuck.

Better not
To give a fuck.

Lifeless, and alone,
Winter’s bone.

JCH