Holding on to the Idea of You

The mere thought of you still manages to give me butterflies. You lit a fire in me and now, I find myself dwelling, “what’s wrong with me? What could I possibly be doing so wrong?” Even still, I can’t help but wonder “Why can’t I let you go?” Every time I’m ready to let you go, you reel me back in–I’m addicted. You were the only person to make me feel anything emotionally positive in a long time. What can I say? Our souls connected instantaneously; before long, I found myself hopelessly in love with you. Despite my feelings for you, I never told you how I truly feel about you out of fear of rejection.

Why do I hold on to you when you are clearly meant to be free? Not to mention, being stuck with me is a curse that would only lead to more pain, and you don’t deserve that. That doesn’t stop me from wishing that you were by my side.

Honestly, I never understood why you liked me in the first place–in fact, I never understood why anyone ever liked me. There’s nothing to like. I’m just a broken soul with an endless list of problems and concerns.

I fear, like many others, that I will remain forever alone–
Always holding on to the idea of you.

JCH

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