Selfish Love

My Love is selfish. I want you, and only you, to be the tenant of my heart.Though a dark place it may be, you can have the key to unlock all the doors and windows, bringing a new light to the darkness–a loving light. After all, I’ve never met someone who understands me so well, whose soul I have connected with so intensely. They say males and females used to be one being, that is until they were split into two, and those two halves of a whole spend their lives searching and longing to become One again–you made me feel as though I found my lost half, like I was truly at home for the very first time, and I could be genuinely happy, for once in my life.

And yet, it is that very Love for you that tears me apart–or, perhaps, it’s my unknowing of the way you feel for me that leaves me so delusional and torn. Fighting with myself, my brain and my heart, undulating with the rise and fall of my emotions–stuck in limbo between friendship and Love.

After you left me–because you realized you still had feelings for your “Him” and needed to work on yourself–I understood why, and I sympathized with you, really, I did! Understanding doesn’t make the pain go away though, it only makes it harder to bear the pain. Maybe my timing was off, but I couldn’t resist the opportunity, and, at the time, I think you needed me just as much as I needed you.

You walked away, unscathed, and got what you needed from me then tossed me aside like I never even existed–I was devastated and heartbroken (it still hurts). I guess I was right about you from the start when I first labelled you as a Succubus. Ironically, you didn’t know what a succubus was, but you managed to play the part terrifically. After all, my relationship with my best friend since preschool has been reduced to smithereens, I sank into an even deeper depression than before, and I was forced to fight off all the demons you had awaken by myself–I gave you everything and in the process, I was left with nothing.

Despite all the pain you have inflicted upon me, I remain under your spell–I still Love you with all my dark, obsessed heart, and I always will, even if that love is never reciprocated.

JCH

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