Past Participles of a Former Life

Absorbed in the past, I find myself contemplating time–oh, how I’ve grown! Yet, I yearn for a simpler time–a time of naturally carefree innocence, when I didn’t despise myself and feel the need to drown my sorrows and pain. I know that I can never return, but I still find myself dwelling on days long since passed¬†that have shaped me into the man I am today. Back then, I was so full of energy, excitement, happiness and love, but now, I’m consumed by pain. This pain is my own, and only I have the capability to conquer it, but I fear my strength alone is not enough.

The more I think about it, I have always been alone, even with my family and friends standing by my side. I always spare my friends and family of the worries that flood my mind, the heartbreak I have endured, and all the fears that debilitate my every move and thought. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to confide in those whom I trust and care for with my sorrows and worries, but also, my dreams and deepest desires. Who could ever possibly understand me, how I feel, my thoughts, or endure the pain that I have? Living a life of loneliness is a deadly disease. Will I ever overcome this feeling?

JCH

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